Guru Shah Rukh

I freely admit that I learned how to romance girls from Shah Rukh Khan. In case you're wondering what that way is, I'll tell you. It's over the top and it's retarded, but I just can't seem to shed his influence. Mercifully, now that I have stopped trying to impress every girl I meet, there's a lower chance of me causing some perfectly nice girl to foam at the mouth and take up a religion devoted to my destruction.

Don't blame me; I was an idiot child! How was I to know that this would be the most misguided decision of my adult life?

Anyhow, to atone for my sins and to pretend as if I have been cured of the Shah Rukh bug, I have made a video to parody his entry in "Kal Ho Na Ho". Now anyone who knows New York at all knows that you can't fly form India and arrive in Manhattan via the Libetry island ferry. Normal people usually arrive via the JFK airport or (if you are of the perverse disposition) via LaGuardia. However, that's the impression the movie gives us. Anyway, that was the last thing on my mind when I made this video.

The perplexing thing about SRK are some really quirky SRK-isms. For instance, he can't stop playing with his hair (I hear that's a good way to promote follicular growth). The most ridiculous example, obviously, is that grand spreading of the arms in an ambitious attempt to hug the cosmos. The really frightful thing is that people actually love him for all that.

I braved the loss of a considerable number of hair in the making of this video. Unfortunately, I don't have enough of them to pull off the real SRK magic, but one must improvise. I must admit that I really really really wanted to do the aforementioned cosmic embrace, but even I, with my squalid, sordid, and disreputable image, couldn't afford to receive the sure censure of my fellow passengers that the act would have indubitably earned me. Some inhibitions must never be shed.